The Alchemy of 5/17

This morning I woke up thinking about my Dad. May well relate to Father’s Day and also to the 8th Anniversary of his passing, May 17. My Mom and I were at his bedside when he passed. He had been airlifted on my birthday to St. Luke’s in Kansas City, Missouri, a short distance from the Country Club Plaza. The doctors did all they could but the damage to his heart was too great; he was gone from us less than a month later.

While Dad was hospitalized, I would sit with him every evening until visiting hours ended. He had a private room. We would talk about memories we had and about life. When he passed, I asked Mom if I could have the honor of writing his Eulogy. Here is an excerpt of a small part of it:

Dad maintained a commercial cattle operation up until a week before he passed.  During Dad’s hospital stay at St. Luke’s in Kansas City, he decided to disperse his herd.  We were heartbroken for him, but Dad’s heart was too broken to continue; he had sustained too much damage from the massive heart attack on April 18.  He called [the head of the auction facility] toward the end of April and made arrangements to send the livestock to auction for May 21.  Dad was planning on being there.  However, the emergency stint procedures on his birthday May 2, were not sufficient to return his already compromised health.  His vitals continued a downward trend and we had to say goodbye to him in the afternoon of Thursday, May 17.

[A team of neighbors and auction employees] loaded Dad’s cattle the next day [May 18].  I think Dad was there that day, and I think he was there the night of the auction.  I say that in a sentimental sort of way, and yet, I believe there may be something real about that.  Dad and I had a conversation while he was in the hospital about the importance of Letting Go and Letting God, about the daily struggle that we as humans encounter in our quest to allow God to direct our lives.  Dad said to me that he had struggled every day of his life in this regard.  I said to Dad that I sense that with all we know and believe about our faith that the reality of what God has in store for us has oft been overlooked because ‘we see through a glass darkly’, and we cannot really fathom the magnificence of what our lives could be if we would only Let Go of our struggles and allow God to work in our lives.  He nodded and said Yes, God’s Grace is greater than we can fathom.

I woke up this morning thinking about this part of his eulogy. In particular, that relevant to my response to Dad, ‘that I sense that with all we know and believe about our faith that the reality of what God has in store for us has oft been overlooked because ‘we see through a glass darkly’, and we cannot really fathom the magnificence of what our lives could be if we would only Let Go of our struggles and allow God to work in our lives.’ 

This past year in clearing out a number of boxes in storage, I sifted through quite a collection of material and documents I accumulated since the early 1990s. Back then I was enrolled in a PhD program to study organizational behavior. One particular book I discovered that was on a reading list that I had developed was written by James Hillman, a psychologist, titled The Soul’s Code. About a week ago, I downloaded the book on my iPad. Additionally, I found some papers studying various affects related to behavior, one being cognitive dissonance. 

In the 1950s, James Hillman studied with the famed psychologist Carl Jung (1875-1961). I recall that Jung was quoted as saying, I don’t need to believe. I know.

In recent days, I was writing about this because the quote has been stuck in my mind for a long time. Here is my praxis: I once posited that belief is the most profound of human character, but then I came to realize that our experiences influence our beliefs far too profoundly. Beliefs are sustained by our thinking and reasoning. We believe someone is genuine, then Truth comes to reveal that person is not; we come to know the Truth. The Truth is, each of us is more precious in our individuality. Your individuality and your inner Spirit are your stronghold.

Ah, but you want to ascend to that higher plane? You must descend to the heart. When the two shall become one, that is the knowing, which is more, way more than the believing.

You are love. You are the creator of your life. And the Way to connecting with the Spirit within you that will guide you toward your Legend is descending to the heart and then taking an action on a daily basis that moves you toward what you really want in your beautiful life. Guided action, too, is part of your strength.

I am my own person. That is my greatest strength, to know that I create my reality. When I allow some person, or a powerful entity, to influence me and enslave me thereby limiting my ability to create my own life, then I have bought a lie. And what will result is I’m the one who will pay for it dearly in order to give that person a power and control over me, which is to say, they own my mind, they own my beliefs.

In his book, Becoming Supernatural, by Joe Dispenza, he propounds, and may I say that I have languished in this manner often for many years: 

Nothing is wrong with reacting to external circumstances, such as the mainstream media, but if you keep that reaction going for extended periods of time, then you’re agreeing that something in your outer world is controlling the way you think, act, and feel. Anything in the outer world that controls your feelings and thoughts makes you victim to your outer world. People who subconsciously allow this to happen will be more victimized by and susceptible to their environment.

What results is cognitive dissonance. When this affect sets in, our beliefs become conflicted and we play the victim; we have lost our strength. 

He goes on to say, 

But, if you practice emotional intelligence, shortening the refractory period of your emotions, and staying in your heart, it stands to reason that you are going to strengthen your inner environment and be healthier and more in balance.

This is what I know for sure: When I connect to Spirit through the heart, rather than the mind, I am unstoppable in creating my life. When I am influenced by outer circumstances, a chemical release occurs in the brain that results in paralyzing adrenaline and cortisol. A drain in the Force results. And worse yet? Anger and fear. And yes, you are still creating your life with these conditions, albeit a life of strife-bearing and chaos and victimhood.

So little by little, I have created a practice of dropping down into my heart and meditating on the Spirit that resides within. From this practice, the feelings of victimhood and the crazy-making of another person falls away, and then upon waking every morning, I go out walking in the world by myself, two or three or five miles. The Truth of you will find you. Almost magically, the Action I take becomes reflex. From where he is today, I know Dad would concur.

Carl Jung also coined the word, synchronicity, pertaining to “meaningful coincidences” as these occur with no causal relationship yet seem to be meaningfully related.

As I finished writing these thoughts this morning, I looked at the clock. It was 5:17 AM. 

—Kimberly B. Gray, Santa Fe, NM, Copyright 2020.